Happy Halloween, everyone. I hope you had a safe candy-filled Halloween. I loved all the creative new ways people distributed candy this year- candy shoots and goodie bags. I also loved the creative costuming; we can do great things when challenged.
I happen to be a lover of Halloween. Maybe because I love candy so much or perhaps because I love to dress up and see other people’s costumes, it is perhaps my inner magical thinker since I am typically reasonably practical. I’m not sure; it feels like the wrong time to overthink it.
There are so many things that could be said right now, 48 hours from the most divisive election of our lifetime. I think most of us don’t believe it will even be over in 48 hours. Is that being a fatalistic or a realist? I’m not sure, but I think sometimes we just prepare for the worst.
It’s too bad Halloween couldn’t have happened the day after the election; it may be the welcome distraction we will need.
I’m pulling out every piece of my optimism from here until, well, whenever this is officially put to bed. I’m putting it in writing, so I hold myself to it. I’m attaching a theme song to make it even more fun. Here’s what I am starting with:
- Hold on to HOPE.
Hope means that no matter how the situation looks now, we believe it CAN get better. This is how people survive horrifying trials, abuse, and terrible diseases like cancer. Hope is medicinal because it reminds us that living is worth it even when circumstances are not of our choosing. What we CANNOT do is use misguided hope. Misguided hope is saying things like, all the problems will go away when my candidate gets elected. Misguided hope says all I have to do is pray, and my cancer will go away without treatment. Misguided hope and hope based on false information leads to missed opportunities and poor choices. Let’s use good old-fashioned hope, that we can make lemonade out of lemons. We CAN do better, be better, and live better no matter what happens this week. As Emily Dickenson said, “I dwell in possibility.”
- MUSICAL SELECTION: I’m going with “The Land of Hope and Dreams” by Bruce Springsteen and The E Z Street band. Now before you get all judgy, let me explain. I was never a big Bruce fan UNTIL I went to his concert in 2016; he was in his late 60’s by the way. That dude played for 3.5 hours STRAIGHT, and he was terrific. He loves music, he loves his band, and I decided he was worthy of my love too. This is a fantastic song. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sWvdFIU6hZg
- 2. Our ability to take a moment and PAUSE will save relationships right now.
Sometimes, the best way to make a bad situation WORSE is to jump in with two feet. This is not a moment where the best action is to jump into the cold swimming pool without testing the water first. It is our PAUSE, our WAIT that can make a bad situation better and the lack thereof, so much worse. It may feel less satisfying at the moment, but there is no question, our NOT ACTING following the election is a healthy way OF ACTING. There are times when we need swift action; this does not feel like one of those times. This feels like the time to breathe deep, gather our thoughts, remember others’ perspectives, hit the pause button between action and reaction, and wait.
- MUSICAL SELECTION: I decided to go with “Patience” by Guns and Roses. Not only because we desperately need representation from rock bands of the late 1980s and early ’90s but also because the song starts with whistling. And by the way, when asked, I say YES to the question of, “Is Guns and Roses a hairband?” (not debatable for me, don’t @ me) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MkoeqtKUUe4
- 3. We can take up all the space or leave space for another, but we can’t do both.
This is a piece of advice I find myself frequently giving, especially to high achievers. I need to spend more time heeding my own advice. The other day, I was with a small group of people, and a young mother asked for some advice. I was dialed up and ready; I mean, I LOVE to advise young mothers. I have made most of the mistakes, so I’d like to help you not make them. Advice giving also makes me feel connected and engaged, and I think I’m pretty decent at it. I was ready to dial right in when another young mother, whom I do not know well, very quietly said a couple of succinct and wise words to her friend. She said in 20 words what I usually say in about 220. I was stunned, impressed, and slightly embarrassed. I wonder how many times in my life, I have talked before another who had the wisdom to share. But the deal is, I have to make room for that. If I’m the one who takes that role every time, others will let me take it. If I sign up to host the party, be the room mom, lead the organization or meeting each time, am I leaving space for someone else who may not be comfortable doing it but would do it in a different and valuable way? This feels like the right time for us to share our space.
- MUSICAL SELECTION- “Have a Heart” by Bonnie Raitt. Is it a s-t-r-e-a-t-c-h? Well, maybe, but here are a couple of things to consider a) I love Bonnie Raitt and so should you b) At the beginning of the song, she says “Hey Shut Up,” which I think we all want to say right now, but we shouldn’t say it, we should do it and c) Most importantly, the song is about how having a heart means you let go of people you love even when that means you will be LOVED LESS. It is making space for both parties, BOOM (see I did it). Bonnie Raitt is the BEST. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rUT94urklFI
- 4. My moral convictions are an OPINION, NOT A FACT.
When I sift back through all that we have endured regarding this “political season,” what it boils down to is that my opinion reflects my moral convictions, and yours are related to yours. NONE of these are facts (there is no 2+2 = 4 in moral convictions). Neither of our opinions is MORE or LESS valuable though they likely line up easily in the groups we participate in. Imposing my ideas and views as FACTS should only be done with my spouse and children (ha!) and maybe at book club. None of us DESERVE victory, even if we have worked hard and done all the things.
- MUSICAL SELECTION: Okay, I have a weird love of this song, which started when Emma Stone performed it in her Lip Sync Battle with Jimmy Fallon, “All I do is win” by DJ Khalid. It’s one of those songs that makes you feel like running if you’re walking or running faster if your running slow (I mean for about 30 seconds until you get tired). Plus, I figure we could all use a little happy, and watching Emma Stone lip sync this song is happy. Please note- I would call it PG-13 language, so if that doesn’t jive, skip on by. Here is the clip to the battle: https://www.dailymail.co.uk/video/tvshowbiz/video-1092812/Emma-Stone-All-I-Do-Win.html
Here is the clip to the song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QtPluXq_hko
- 5. And finally, no matter how this shakes down, every little thing is going to be all right (preview of our song, get ready for some reggae). We can win with grace; we can lose with grace. The world does not belong to our leaders, political parties, or people talking the loudest; the world belongs to all of humanity. We have lots of room in our own backyard to exhibit the behavior we want to see, show the love we want to be shown, and do the good works we believe are worth doing. We just may have to swallow our pride in the process. And we will most definitely have to take the high road along the way.
- MUSICAL SELECTION- Everything’s Gonna Be Alright by Bob Marley (Is there a way to pipe this out nationally all day on Wednesday? If so can someone make that happen, please) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wYCpWblDKok )
Growth and wisdom take time, and patience. Let’s make space for both.
Advice From A Friend: Change the way you are looking, and what you are looking at, will change